Confessions of a Serial Monogamist
By Seriah B.
Hello.? My name is Seriah and I?m a serial relationship-er.? Now I would never actually make this statement but several of my friends have coined me the ?serial monogamist? of the group.
I have to admit that I really don?t remember an instance where I was single for a significant period of time.? The last time was probably early on in high school.? I don?t go out and seek male companionship, it just seems to happen. I?m usually the girl that a guy befriends because I?m cool and down to earth. I usually get the silly and unexplainable things that guys do and can act a fool with them too.? But somewhere down the line, that same chemistry that made us great friends leads us into the land of something more. Sometimes the change in relationship frustrates me because there?s nothing like a male friend that you can maintain a full but strictly platonic relationship. In my heart, I believe that guys befriend me on a strictly platonic level initially but I could be na?ve to the fact that they?re waiting around for their chance to get what they really want from me.
I guess I find it hard to believe that a man would go through all the work of becoming my friend with the intentions of acquiring more when I do not feel the same way and all that time would have gone to waste.? I?ve had guys tell me from jump ?Hey, I?m feeling you.? I want to see where this can go,? so I don?t understand why someone would go about it any other way.? If I felt the same way, then I?d go along for the ride.?? I?m an only child so having a ?brother from another mother? is something I?d love.? I will say that the fact that I didn?t have a father figure around growing up plays a part in me being open to having male friends.
I don?t think that being in relationships is a bad thing.? I?ve learned a lot about myself and how I interact with people from every relationship I?ve been in; but if you go out and seek relationships or male attention you?re setting yourself up for failure.? Relationships should occur naturally and effortlessly. Forcing them or setting them up always ends negatively. I have to admit that not too long ago I did force the issue of being in a relationship. Needless to say, I got what I wanted and it was everything that I did not want.? Lesson learned. There have been many times that I?ve said, if this current/next relationship doesn?t work that I am going to just spend a year by myself, being single, and getting to know me better. That never happens. I can?t control who comes into my life and what effect they have on me so this area of my life tends to run its own course.
I?ll tell anyone that I hate getting to know people.? I hate letting people in and learning to trust someone new. I?d rather stay to myself but somehow, someway, someone always makes their way in. I?ve never been with someone that I didn?t like. I think when you build a friendship with someone and you get used to them being around it?s easy to explore the parameters of the relationship. Once that chemistry starts to build it?s hard to force it to fizzle out. I usually don?t make it a point to befriend guys that I like because that can just get plain old messy. There are times when me being in a relationship is not up for discussion. Most of my relationships tend to last for years so I think that it?s important to take the time after a breakup to cleanse yourself after a huge part of your life has changed.
As women, our main focus in life should be making ourselves the best we can be standing on our own two feet.? Having a man in your life can be a great thing but if you are not complete on your own, in your own skin, and in your own way you will get lost in a man and a relationship. I feel like today I am complete on my own.? I?m at a point in my life that I can look in the mirror and love who I am.? I don?t need to be with someone to be happy. Being in a fulfilling relationship does add to my happiness but it?s not necessary for me to live.? For the people that negatively judge me for the fact that I?ve spent most of my dating life in relationships and don?t believe that I?m good on my own I?d say ?you don?t know me.?? When I am in a relationship I don?t carry my significant other around with me.? They are not the topic of every conversation I have.? I maintain other relationships and friendships.? I enjoy my days without that person to the fullest.? I?m the girl that will do anything by herself; go to the movies, lunch, or a museum all on my own.? I enjoy those times to myself. Sometimes my partner takes offense to that but I will not wait around for someone else to do things I can do on my own.
I think I?ve learned enough to be able to discern a good relationship from a bad one.? I know what I want in a partner now and I?m not willing to settle.? If my current situation doesn?t work I will be taking a hiatus from relationships; probably dating all together.? I?d love to challenge myself to be relationship free for a year and see where that takes me.? I?m not fearful of being alone because in essence I am.? I live my life alone.? I make my own decisions and I bear the consequences myself.? A man can?t save me from life. And I don?t want one to.
Seriah is a 24 year old Brooklynite. She loves writing, cooking (and of course eating), dancing and spending time with family and friends. She is currently enjoying the life, loves, and journey that God has set before her. She plans to one day become a director of production for a positive and empowering broadcasting company. Follow her and all of her fabulous outbursts at @SpoiledBkMisses on Twitter and catch her Literary Kisses on tumblr.
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